A Question Of Protocol

July 31, 2008

Dear Miss Manners,

Let me start by saying what a fan I am of your column. I've read it for many years and I believe you provide a great service to society. The stitching, as it were, to the fabric of our civilization is in conducting ourselves with a sense of common decency, civility. The problem I bring to you today is an ordinary one, banal certainly, but I believe, as I'm sure you do, that it is the way we treat each other in the everyday, the ordinary, that defines who we are as people. The manner in which we conduct ourselves in the face of the daily challenge, the 99 cent things, as it were, is what separates us from the, well, people we would like to be separated from I guess is the most judicious way of putting it.

But I'm babbling. Forgive me. My question is this: I'm sorry. Forgive me again. I need to give you a bit of background. I live in a small house that's part of a 6 unit complex of houses. Mine is in the very back, I am obliged to walk between the units to get to my garage, on a narrow sidewalk, its narrowness exacerbated by bushes that have been allowed to grow excessively. This afternoon I was walking the sidewalk towards my garage, and my next door neighbor was walking towards me in the opposite direction. Now, while I am a man of average size, my neighbor is of a size that would make simultaneously sharing a narrow walkway an unwieldy proposition.

My question is: what is the proper course of action in this situation? Courtesy would seem to indicate that I step aside and allow the neighbor to pass unimpeded. However, the overgrown nature of the walkway-lining bushes make this option inconvenient. It could be done, but with not inconsiderable discomfort on my part. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not averse to accepting temporary discomfort in the interests of successfully navigating this kind of social whirlpool, however, would the obviousness of my efforts, particularly if they involved stepping into a thorny bush, be construed as calling attention to the excessive width of my neighbor? How does the civilized man navigate such a situation without causing body image insecurities in my neighbor or risking torn skin or clothing on my own person? And how can this situation be tactfully brought up to my landlord in a manner that causes him to trim the encroaching bushes without, again, shining excessive light on the rotundity of my neighbor? Thank you for your thoughtful response.

Sincerely,

He stopped here. He knew, to get published, he really needed a witty name that somehow referenced his problem. That was how these things worked. But he could not think of anything. There was no humor in this situation.